Thursday, February 3, 2011

QUIET!

Willy Wonka says, “Improvisation is a parlor trick,  Anyone can do it.”  Maybe so, but not everybody should.  I sat eavesdropping in Starbucks this morning.  I listened to three different conversations.  Each one consisted of one person explaining a current life situation with the other participant offering their opinion as to how the circumstances should be handled.  As I listened in on the third conversation, I began pondering whether anyone ever stops to think about what they are about to say.  The conversation was very fast and there was very little “dead air” time. 
We have become a society that fears silence in conversation.  The second the other person stops talking we feel the need to fill the void.  I have to admit, I am guilty.  Do we fear that if we stop and seriously consider what was said and what we should say the person will get up and leave on us? 
The second thing I noticed about these discussions was that a lot of the time when “the improve switch” is on, the first words out of our mouths is “I”.   Winging a conversation allows us to change the focus off of the other person and onto ourselves.  One of the conversations I heard became a competition to see whose life sucked more.  Although I doubt that either person would describe the interaction as such, from an outside perspective that’s what it became.  And I’m not sure either side left winning or even feeling like they received helpful advice.
The final thing I noticed about voidless conversations is that gossip was easily inserted.  In all three there was a point at which what someone else said or did was brought up.  And none were in flattering language.  I wonder how the conversation would have been different if the “Quoted” person was present. 
Has the ability to accept silence in a conversation been lost in our instant society?  Or do we not even notice?  Or are we so self-absorbed that we really don’t care?  Try this in your next “coffee talk” with someone; wait 3 seconds after they finish talking before you say anything.  See if it changes what you say. 
I’m going to lunch with a guy, I’ll try it.